Gram's Guide to Adulting ©

In these pages you will find a letter I wrote to my two grandchildren. When I had a serious health scare, I realized there were so many things I wanted to share with them — and so many things I wish my parents had shared with me and my sons, before they died. My father and I talked about a lot, but he died suddenly of a heart attack, and I felt so sad that I did not do more to document his wisdom.

As a lawyer, a mother, a grandmother and an amateur author, I wanted to write something for these two precious beings to remember me by — and to create and share their own memories. I hope you take this guide and write your own letters to the people you love, sharing the little and the big things that can make their lives easier.

For many of us, it is not too late. You do not have to wait until you are on death's bed to write and share. Take this guide and make it better, personalize it, write it from your own heart. Most often we want to do these things but just do not know where to start.

There is no right or wrong way to communicate your love and your legacy. Use this to record or to write, to open your heart and share the things that matter to you — even if they do not matter to someone else.

Dear Vanessa and Aliyah,

I am writing this letter to you, two of the most beautiful, intelligent human beings to walk the earth. I love you two more than you can ever imagine and I want to leave with you all the things I wish I could tell you as you move through life. I pray the following:

• You both know you are gifts to God and the world is blessed to have you in it.
• You must learn to love yourself authentically — because your authentic self is perfect.
• You must learn from your mistakes and trust your gut — if it does not feel right, it is not right!
• RESPECT YOURSELF ENOUGH TO LEAVE — a bad relationship, job, family situation. Nothing is worth your peace.
• Neither of you are your mothers — do not let their challenges define you. Nor your father.
• You never use drugs — it ruins your life, and sadly you both come from a family of addicts. Please love yourself enough to say NO!
• If you have children you will be wonderful parents if you love them unconditionally, let them be who they are, and support that — and if your partner is not good for you or them, leave them behind!
• PLEASE know your worth always, and that you are loved more than anything from heaven above.

Lastly, know that I am always with you, through good and bad, and will never judge you because God made you perfect as you are. You are good — even when you may do bad things. You both have survived so much. YOU ARE SURVIVORS.

I am writing this guide so you can keep alive some of our family traditions and have a memory of Gram. Whatever you do, do it your own way. I just want you to have the knowledge in case you want to use it in your new life with your own families.